The Wild Women of Wongo-1958

Directed by James L. Wolcott. With Jean Hawkshaw, Mary Ann Webb, Cande Gerrard and Adrienne Bourbeau. Main characters with the names Omoo, Ahtee, Wana and Mona,...Mona? You know there will be extra marshmallows in the Lucky Charms. All other characters are simply Women or Men of Wongo. I hesitated at first if I would be able to stay conscious through this whole spectacle but after ten washed out minutes whoa! look out! I gathered that the plot is something like this. Mother Nature and Father Time (their words not mine), make a mistake and put a whole gaggle of hot chicks on an island with a bunch of thick headed goons, while across the ocean is another tribe of oiled up fancy boys with hideous girlie mates. while somewhere in between there are Ape men willing to destroy all. It all starts with a bunch of "look we're sultry primitive lasses all sitting around on the beach weaving palm leaves and putting pottery everywhere." Suddenly an oiled up stud comes rowing in on the tide to warn the Wongo King of the ape men advancing on their island and wishes for them to return back to handsome man island with him to to help stop a fore mentioned ape men. The Wongo king decides to sleep on it. Of course the Women of Wongo, being the sexies, have never seen such a dashing slab of meat and fall over themselves to gain his attention. The Wongo king decides to kill said meat. While attempting to stop this from happening the Women of Wongo are banished by the King for knocking over a sacred stick. They can return only when they sacrifice a...blahblahblah, so they float to the island of studs and have a very nice Wongo on Wongo cat fight (see clip) that is actually thus far the only real action thus far. Realizing they are on this new island the women capture the men for marital sacrifices, or something. The ugly stupid women on the island in the meantime are angry and ugly but then somehow magically discover the Wongo Men (the brutish dolts) who have sailed to this island after being decimated by the ape men. If only they had listened. with a lot of running around borderline ala keystone cops it ends with all the couples paired off with their respective aesthetic catches, and they all give us a knowing wink to send us off to ponder what we may have just seen. a literal wink. They are winking at the audience one by one. Christ! Absolute ONE STAR. I will watch this again someday but in the company of unsuspecting victims, and you may just say that The Women of Wongo was The Women of Wrighto. Gong!